I’m speaking at the BNI Big Breakfast in Wellington next week about Givers Gain – about real reciprocity – how it’s a powerful technique of ‘influence’ and how when used properly it can make everybody want to do business with you. The beauty of it is that it won’t cost you a cent.
Let me spill the beans a bit on what I intend to talk about next week…
I don’t mind confessing that, in attending many BNI meetings, people who persist in talking, working on something or reading while others are delivering their 60 second presentation make me angry. It is rude and it is selfish and it does the person who is otherwise engaged no favours at all.
Believe me, the speaker notices your lack of interest or your complete rudeness. How do you think it makes them feel about you? Not very good, I’ll warrant. Don’t expect too many referrals from them in a hurry!
When somebody stands up to speak, do you give them your attention? Listening is an act of giving. Listening with enthusiasm is an even great gift. By this I mean smiling, nodding or taking notes. It makes the speaker more kindly disposed towards you because you’re demonstrating that you’re interested in them.
There’s a saying I heard once: “The more interested you are, the more interesting you will be.”
Attention and enthusiastic attention encourage the speaker (Wellington take note!) and energises them. It raises the bar on their presentation because they want to return the favour by giving good value.
It may be that the speaker is mindlessly boring or the subject has not interest for you. Perhaps ‘you’ve heard it all before’. Make the effort to engage anyway; think of questions you want to ask or feedback you can give.
Perhaps you’re like me and you have a short attention span. Well, an old philosopher once said “good habits form good virtues”.
An American theologian, Tyron Edwards, put it better.
“Thoughts lead on to purposes; purposes go forth in action; actions form habits; habits decide character; and character fixes our destiny.”
Go listen.
5 comments
Well said Colin. I await your presentation next week with interest 🙂
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Well expressed Colin. Interesting comment about the short attention span. I’m sure every person, even people with a short attention span, can focus for 60 seconds. Sorry can’t use that one for an excuse! When I see this happen in chapters I wonder how that member can give when they haven’t heard what their colleague wants. Does this mean they won’t gain? Listening = givers gain.
Thanks for reminding me the most important thing in any interaction with another is to be fully present and listen, I learn so much more that way!
There’s also an old proverb:
There was an old owl who lived in an oak
The more he heard the less he spoke
The less he spoke the more he heard
Why aren’t we like that wise old bird?
Hi Colin,
Brilliant blog – totally agree.
My Area Director, Dinah Liversidge, goes a stage further, she believes that ‘Givers Give’.
Best regards,
David Wimblett
Regional Director – London North West (UK)
I agree totally. However, there’s a way to overcome this: If i can share.
I have coached Chapters LTs to prepare a Referral Activator sheet so that members can jot down while their colleagues are presenting, of any ideas of a referral.
In some cases, and for added fun, at the end of the meeting, the Chapter President, as a stimulant can randomly ask members to stand and say, what is another member looking for the coming weeks. Because this is at random, members pay more attention.
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