Article contributed by Wilma Ham.
Aligned relationships are described in WomenLikeMe as;
A heart centered team comes from love, flexibility, co-operation, integrity and joy and produces phenomenal results while not sweating it in the process.
Go to WomenLikeMe for more on Playing Team in Relationships.
This week our worm composting toilet system is in breakdown and that is not fun!
When it works it is a wonderful system, but when it does not, you have a real problem on your hands.
You have to clean all the ‘you know what’ mess out manually and you can guess the nature of a job like that.
Things like this seem to come up at the most inconvenient time.
In the next few days we are going to have lots of visitors, 6 in total will be staying this weekend so our non-working toilet system needs to be sorted NOW even though we actually don’t have the time to do it!
John in particular is not looking forward to this task and given that we already have a lot of other things to do, it could have become a real problem between us if we had a parallel relationship rather than this aligned one.
In the old days I would obsess about problems while feeling I had to solve them all by myself.
My ego and I would panic, then moan and groan continuously and blame everybody and everything else.
My ego self would have blamed John for inviting all these people, I would have complained about stupid eco-systems and I also would have done John’s head in with my problem focused ways.
I would have wound him up and having contributed nothing, I would then expect him to sort it by himself. Then I’d spend the time panicking and grumping about how all this is inconveniencing me; all the time continuing to be a total drag. Nice, isn’t it?
But that is not happening now.
When we both realized ‘what is so’, we took a deep breath, sat down and looked at all the options on how to solve it.
I did not panic.
I no longer added to ‘John’s’ problems, instead my heart centered self focused on us solving the problem together in a way that is efficient, productive and without mental torture.
AND that is what I keep noticing more and more; this peaceful, harmonious and effective dealing with sh*tty problems that come our way.
I am thoroughly enjoying being in a relationship now.
I have learned to play team from a heart centered, aligned place rather than coming from a hierarchical, ego centered parallel way of being.
2 comments
Thanks Wilma,
I recently completed a short course in Psychosynthesis – and one of the key learnings for me was the idea that when you have a problem/issue/task that a key step is to ‘let it be’ to hold a point of tension between yourself and the issue – to create the space as it were – and to let the solution to the problem to manifest itself. I guess that this is along similar lines to what you are talking about here – so thanks for sharing your story.
Graham
PS I did feel sorry for John having to sort out the problem!
Hi Graham, yes holding the problem in place is something we are very good at. It makes a huge difference if we could let go of that and indeed have a solution manifest.
Isn’t it great to attend a course that resonates?
PS do not feel sorry for John, if you want to live in nature you have to deal with your own garbage.
And he had a good support team (on the sideline!) :~)
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