Article contributed by Clive Murphy.
How do you handle an argument – especially with a loved one?
Do you fight to the end?
Never give in?
Give in and stew on it?
Say things you will later regret?
Resent them for not listening?
Resolve the conflict?
Everyone has his or her own way of dealing with it.
In most cases, people have a need to be right so continue with the argument until they “beat the other person into submission”.
When two fail to resolve their differences, they generally hold resentment for the other. Resentment often leads to anger because their needs are not being met.
Once people get “steamed up”, they will often say hurtful things in order to “win” the argument. Things they will later regret.
What is amazing is how some people demonstrate how they love someone.
Yelling, being hurtful, degrading and being physically violent are funny ways of showing love!
The people they hurt the most are those that are closest to them. They somehow have this belief the loved one will tolerate what they say and do.
What it does in reality is place a large strain on that relationship.
When you hold some form of resentment, you are focusing on what you don’t like and how your needs are not being met. Because this is getting all your attention, you then begin to attract similar situations.
The Solution
Two ways of overcoming arguments and disagreements:
1. Let go of the need to be right and look for a solution that is best for your relationship or the family.
Hanging on to the need to be right means you are selfish as you are only thinking of yourself. When you enter a relationship, you now have your partner to consider. Add children, ad you now have to consider them as well.
2. When you have a disagreement with someone, especially if it is someone you love, ask yourself:
“What do I most want right now in this situation?”
Do you want to be at war with this person or do you want to be a friend or be in love with them?
The answer to this will determine what happens thereafter!
If you would like to be at war, go for it. Just be aware of the consequences.
If you want to be a friend or in love them, say something like: “Let’s find a solution that suits us both. After all, you are my best friend and I want us to be happy together”.
What you say and do impacts on others. Be careful with what you say, think and do.
When you argue or disagree, someone has to break the deadlock. Let it be you.
Not only will you benefit from the result, others will also.
