GOLDEN RULES FOR TONGUE TIED NETWORKERS
Personality and an ability to communicate clearly are prerequisites of networking, however, communication skills can be learned and everyone has the perfect personality for networking. The ability to listen more than you speak is actually the key to great conversation. Mastering the art of conversation can help you to become a more effective networker. Some people arrive at a networking function and leave their personality at the venue doorstep. They are unable to start or finish conversations and usually have a miserable time. They leave the event vowing never to return and to avoid those networking events at all costs.
However, back in their comfort zone, they can express opinions on just about anything and rarely allow themselves to feel intimidated by anything or anyone.
So we may surmise that it is actually our nerves and fear of meeting strangers that sometimes gets the better of us at these events. Some people are so nervous making conversation with strangers that they don’t listen at all. Rather they concentrate on what their next question will be and as a result the conversation does not flow.
Therefore to improve your networking skills, it will help dramatically if you work on improving your conversation skills.
HABITS OF SUCCESSFUL COMMUNICATORS
Think about some of the better communicators in your networks. What makes them different? Is it that they:
• listen to your answer
• allow you to finish your response without interrupting
• make eye contact
• genuinely act as if they do care about your answer
• somehow make you feel special
• follow up when they say they will
• offer helpful suggestions to you, but not in a know-it-all fashion
• remember snippets of previous conversations you may have had
• be friendly.
There are other strangers in the room feeling just as nervous and uncomfortable as you do right now. Trust me on this. You too can adapt these communication habits, when you next attend a networking event.
Always remember –
• Make eye contact with the person you are speaking to.
• Smile, smile, smile. Smiling is a universal language and loosely translates to – I am smiling because I want to be your friend – I am not going to hurt you – smile back and we can start a conversation.
• Breathe deeply often. When you are nervous you often breathe shallowly and this perpetuates the nervousness. If you take a number of deep breaths (breathe in for the count of two, out for the count of two) at least five times – you will find your whole body relaxes and you become more focussed on being present and in the moment. Whenever you start to feel stressed or nervous, breathe deeply. The great thing is – no one knows what you are doing. All they will notice is that you become more involved in the conversation.
• Make heart to heart connections. When we make that heart to heart connection, we listen actively to the conversation. We don’t have to worry about what we are going to say next, because when we are listening we receive lots of cues for responses or more questions. Often if we are quiet long enough we can even learn lots of things. However, when we are nervous, we fill the conversation with endless chatter and then mentally beat ourselves up for boring everyone.
Successful networkers prepare PRIOR to attending a networking event. Think of a series of open-ended questions that cannot be answered by only yes or no. These questions will help to draw the other person into a meaningful conversation. Feel free to change the language to suit your own personality and jargon. If by chance you befriend someone who does not want to join in your conversation, that’s okay, at least you extended the hand of friendship. Don’t take rejection personally at networking events. Often the person who rejected you is even more nervous than you are, believe it or not!
If all of this conversation-making still sounds a little bit daunting, take heart. Every day aim to have a quality heart to heart connection, even for only 60 seconds, with someone who crosses your path. Maybe it will be the newsagent, the garage attendant, bank teller, supermarket check out operator— basically any stranger you come into contact with. Ask a general question and listen to the answer with your heart, not your head. See how easily the conversation flows. Don’t be surprised if soon you are receiving compliments about being a great conversationalist. Trust me, with a little practice you will start to see yourself as the interesting person that other people see you as.
