If You Are Not Having Fun, You Are Not Doing It Right

Article contributed by Robyn Henderson.

Talking to strangers ranks in the top 5 things that people hate to do. And to think of actually having fun whilst talking to strangers may be a definite stretch of your imagination. Recall the last party that you went to and picture those people in the room, who just seemed to be able to talk to anyone about anything. Just what is their secret and how come they even look like they are enjoying themselves? Is it possible for you to become a more interesting person this year and even have fun talking to total strangers? The answer is most definitely YES!!

TIP 1 Interesting people are interested in others. They actually take the focus off themselves and put it on to the person/s they are speaking to. Interesting people are great listeners-they work at improving their listening skills every day. Whilst waiting for a delayed flight, I once had a 20-minute conversation with a businessman. During that time, I spoke less than 50 words to him, as I asked about his work, family, last holiday and his next holiday. This interesting man chatted away in response to my questions, never once using my name or asking me a question. As his flight was called, he looked at my business card (obviously to get my name as he had not used it once) and said, “Robyn, you would have to be one of the most interesting people I have ever met.” Interesting or interested? Master networkers know that they can learn much more from listening than they can from speaking.

TIP 2 Spend a week observing great communicators in your social and business networks. What makes them different? You may observe that they:

•  Listen to your answer
• Allow you to finish your response without interrupting
• Make eye contact
• Genuinely act as if they do care about your answer
• Somehow make you feel special
• Follow up when they say they will
• Often offer helpful suggestions to you, but not in a know-it all fashion
• Can often remember snippets of previous conversations you may have had with them

Great communicators work at their conversations. They focus on you, not the person standing behind you. The good news is that everything they do, you can choose to do too.

TIP 3 Act as if everyone in the room, stranger or not, is a V.I.P.-a very interesting person. Good communicators have a belief system that every single person that they meet is incredibly interesting and has much to contribute to any conversation. An interesting person will almost always have a couple of open-ended questions prepared, e.g.

• What was the highlight of your day/weekend/holiday?
• What tips would you give someone who has never attended one of these events before?
• What’s your opinion of…?
• What do you like most about your profession?
• What’s your favourite restaurant, movie, sport?
• Your … looks great, do you mind me asking where you bought it?
• Are you XXXX(city) born and bred?
• How did you get your start in the widget business?
• What tips would you give someone entering your profession?

Once the conversation starts, it generally flows, when you focus on making that heart to heart connection-and really listening to the responses and of course their questions. Treat the person standing in front of you as if they were the most important person in the room.

TIP 4 Act like the host and not the guest. The key to making connections is basically that you are treating people the way you would like to be treated. If a stranger walked into the room, what would they be hoping someone in the room would do? Befriend them of course. So the next time you see a person standing alone and possibly looking a little nervous or out of place, talk to them. “Hi, my name is Robyn, mind if I join you?” or even better, catch their eye and invite them to join your group. They rarely decline your offer, why would they?

TIP 5 Practice, Practice, Practice If talking to strangers still sounds a little bit daunting, take heart. Every day aim to have a quality heart to heart connection, even for only 60 seconds with someone who crosses your path. Maybe it will be the newsagent, the garage attendant, bank teller, supermarket check out operator-basically any stranger you come into contact with. Ask a general question and listen to their answer with your heart, not your head. Then see how easily the conversation flows. Don’t be surprised if pretty soon you are receiving compliments about being a great conversationalist and most importantly, you will also find yourself having fun.