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‘What is so’ in relationships

by Wilma Ham

In WomenLikeMe it says;

While our heart knows how to play together, we have learned the hierarchical way of control and obey, driven by fear.
It is invisible that this way produces limited relationships and resolves few problems.
On the other hand it is perfectly possible to have extraordinary relationships which produces phenomenal results joyfully.
(WomenLikeMe on Playing Team in Relationships)

When we think or talk about our relationships, we describe them in a certain way, we describe them as they appear to us through our so called colored glasses. How our relationships ‘appear’ to us is of course often not the ‘what is so’ for the other party when you come from a wholeness point of view.

Accepting how things appear is not going to give us access to thinking and doing things differently; all THAT is doing is giving us more of the same or resignation.
The greater level of ‘acceptance’ is not a case of accepting appearances, but going to a place of wholeness about ‘what is so’.

Hmmm.

I thank God that I have been made aware of my tendency to make others look incompetent so I can shine.
I am also thankful that I have learned to forgive, to forgive myself and to forgive others.
I am accepting that I often come from fear and I am learning more and more to come from love and peace instead.
I no longer feel the need to compete for attention and to be the best, I am very happy to cooperate and have the focus away from my performance towards a bigger ‘for the sake of what’.
I no longer disempower others, all I desire is to bring the best out in all of us and encourage integrity and taking ownership.
Knowing this and acting accordingly is making a huge difference in what John and I are achieving. I trust him and give him credit for what he knows and does and thus we cooperate using each others resources to the full.

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2 comments

Wilma Ham 12 January 2010 - 4:42 pm

Hi Graham
BNI giver’s gain will really make sense to us when we no longer feel the need to compete for attention and to be the best. It will really come to live when we are happy to cooperate and have the focus away from our personal performance towards a bigger ‘for the sake of what’ result.
Is that not what BNI is all about and it is not hard to see what BNI can offer to people who are coming from this. It will be a goldmine.
Love wilma

Graham Southwell 12 January 2010 - 7:54 pm

I totally agree – once we can start to encourage people to really cooperate and work together – a BNI chapter becomes unstoppable! If we can at the same time encourage chapters to start to work with their local Hospices – we can start to show the world what it means to be part of a community.

G

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