Do You Know When to Give In?

Article contributed by Clive Murphy.

It’s easy to let your ego run out of control.

I recently had an experience where I had to rein myself in. While I don’t often share my personal life, I have decided to share this with you because it contains an important message.

In September of 2006 I released a book titled “Think Yourself Slim”. While I had done my homework and checked on the Internet and with a bookshop’s database that there was no other book of this title, I still came undone.

I received a solicitor’s letter in January 2007 telling me to take my books off the market within 7 days. His client had a tape set of a similar name and claimed I was trading off his good name.

I then discovered this author had just released a book of a similar title and had applied for a Trademark of his book title. I was surprised the Trademark people had approved this – especially when their guidelines say you are only allowed to Trademark a book title if it is like a “Harry Potter” (a name worth protecting) with other merchandise attached to the name. This other author is not a “Harry Potter”.

The Trademark guidelines also states you are not allowed to Trademark common words. I would have thought “Think”, “Yourself” and “Slim” were common words!

I knew I had a case and was in the right. My solicitor said I was in the right (as they do!). I was first on the market, I did my homework, your are not allowed to Trademark a book title or use common words. Each move he made, we counteracted. We thought it would die a natural death.

Wrong. He kept fighting.

While I spent a lot of money fighting this, I reached a point where I had to make a decision on whether I kept going. It became a ‘this author’ versus ‘me’ battle and I could see he wasn’t about to give in.

So, why am I telling you this?

Good question!

Have you ever been in a ‘battle’ with someone? It may be a relative or a friend. It may be another business or a supplier.

You are at loggerheads with this person/business because you think you are right and they are wrong. A client may have purchased something from you and they want a refund. A family member may have taken something they are not entitled to or done something you don’t agree with.

The battle can become nasty. It is ‘tick-for-tack’. You may even say “I’m not going to give in. I don’t care what it takes, they’re not going to win. I know I’m right”.

In my personal coaching business, I have seen relationships, friendships and businesses destroyed over the need to win the battle. I have seen people lose a lot of money (and, on many occasions, their health) because they refused to concede. One businessman lost $142,000 in payouts and court costs because he believed his partners were ripping him off when he sold the business. He was determined to make them “pay” when they sued him.

Oops! Expensive lesson.

People’s ego becomes so BIG, it is ‘win at all costs’ – and there generally is a cost. A well-known phrase that best describes this is “You win the war but lost the battle”. So, even if you win, you still lose. It’s still going to cost you in some way.

Many a couple going through divorce have lost everything because of their need to win at all costs. The only people who have won are the solicitors and the real estate people.

In my personal example, while my ego was saying “Bury him”, there was a wiser side saying “Be real and think about this”. I placed a ceiling on the amount of money I was prepared to spend. I knew, whatever I spent, I would not get back – regardless of whether I won or lost. It was gone forever to my solicitors. I knew the same held true for this other author.

When the time arrived and I had to cough up thousands of more dollars, I knew I could release a new book for this new sum and have some money left over. I wasn’t attached to the old title, and, the more I tested other titles, the more convinced I was that it was time to concede.

I wished the other author well and I am now on a new journey.

Do you know when to pull out of the need to win, the need to be right?

Do you know when it is time to say “Enough is enough”?

It takes a far bigger person to concede knowing they will eventually ‘win’. The cost of the lost money and your health is not worth the satisfaction of saying “I won”.

Your ego can get you into a lot of trouble.

Develop the ability to know when to let go and do what’s best for you in the long term.