In his books the Seven Habits of High Effective People, Steve R. Covey writes: “The cause of almost all relationship difficulties is rooted in conflicting or ambiguous expectations around roles and goals. Most expectations are implicit. They haven’t been explicitly stated or announced, but people nevertheless bring them to a particular situation… fulfilling them makes great deposits in the relationship and violating them makes withdrawals”.
According to the Oxford English Dictionary, expectations can be defined as: ‘a belief that someone will or should achieve something’. I would add ‘minimum requirements’.
Sometimes what we want, and what we expect, can be two different things. You have possibly heard somebody say something similar to: “I don’t expect a referral from them every week, but they could at least reciprocate my dance invitation”. To put it simply, the referrals are a ‘want’ – who wouldn’t want that? – but the reciprocal dance invitation is an ‘expectation’. The standards are lower, but failure is not negotiable.
Of course the objective is to achieve goals and great outcomes in terms of business and relationships from your BNI, but failure to do that may be as a result of failure on your part, or others, to meet minimum expectations.
Minimum expectations may include:
- Reporting back on the outcome of a referral
- Thanking somebody for a referral. The expectation could be a rap, a note or a telephone call (depends on the person)
- Regular and conscientious attendance
- Reciprocating and initiating dances
- Being punctual
- Getting quotes out promptly
- Following-up quickly on referrals
- Prompt and regular communication
- Making an effort to get to know,or help, somebody
- Keeping appointments
- Complying with the BNI Code of Ethics
These things are the foundation of a relationship. You can’t get to goals or wins without meeting those minimum requirements. People have various degrees of expectation, so it’s important to know what they are. If you’re not achieving results or there are behaviours and outcomes that cause you frustration, try taking some time to answer these questions:
- List five expectations, in terms of results, outcomes and behaviours, that you hope for from BNI.
- Do you know the expectations of each of your fellow members? You may initiate a few questions with: “I like to receive feedback from a member on how a referral turned out, and I also like my dance invites to be reciprocated. What are your minimum expectations?”
- Finally, have you communicated your expectations and do your fellow members understand what those are?
A relationship can only really move on to the next level, or grow in strength, when we understand what the other person’s expectations are. From that position, you can begin to set goals, objectives and mutually beneficial initiatives.
