Several years ago I was working with a client who was struggling to keep his head above water and could not figure out his next move or where to get his next client. He was a project manager and had just finished working on two major developments at an Auckland High School and at Auckland University.
In his own mind he had decided that the market had slowed down and that business would be hard to come by. He was tired after a year of very hard slog and needed some space to think. Unfortunately, the more he thought the more negative he became. It was difficult to see a way forward. He started to doubt his skills, his knowledge and his value as a professional project manager.
He engaged me as a coach to assist him to get over this business and personal slump. We did some analysis on his work/life balance and also looked at his successful history as a project manager and in particular some of his bigger successes such as the Sky Tower where he was one of a team of managers. I did this to help him value himself up. From here we devised some plans that he was happy with and started an implementation process. We set some simple goals to de-clutter his office and manage his diary. Everything was in place but something was missing. He kept talking himself down which became a real hindrance to his moving forward.
This all changed when his very astute and perceptive 14 year old daughter drew him a picture of a hole in the ground with a shovel lying at the bottom. In the middle of the picture she wrote the words “Dear Daddy, when you are in a hole and struggling to get out of it – stop digging, Love S”. When I visited my client he took me to his office and with a great deal of pride he showed me the picture. He also showed me that his office was de-cluttered tidy and organised, he had completed organising his diary, had written down several goals with some plans for each one. He was implementing what we had put in place. He had also made contact with a couple of people in his network – of which one had offered him some work.
His daughter hit the nail on the head with her statement. It was brilliantly basic and it worked. She gave him permission to stop digging deeper into the negative. We both learned a lesson from S, a lesson I have never forgotten.
When you are in a hole and struggling to get out of it – stop digging.
Mark@marksutherland.co.nz
2 comments
What a lovely example of the law that our perceptions and beliefs about ourselves create our reality. How often we forget all the great things we have done/do and put our attention instead on the one or two things we might have done that did not turn out so well. Beliefs create behaviours – it is impossible for us to be happy (and successful) if we don’t love and accept ourselves 🙂
Splendid stuff Mark, thankQ.
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