Most of us are familiar with the BNI expression ‘people do business with people they know, like and trust’… what few people realise, however, is that trust actually takes a combination of factors to develop, but it may be short circuited with ‘liking’.
The study ‘The Role of Interpersonal Liking in Building Trust in Long-Term Channel Relationships’ – by Carolyn Y. Nicholson, Stetson University and Larry D. Compeau and Rajesh Sethi, Clarkson University – concludes that ‘liking’ plays an important role in influencing the development of trust, more so than other necessary ingredients like ‘common interests,’ ‘shared outlook’ and demographics.
“In fact, over a period of time, the emotional bond can become the driving force in the relationship and the nurturer of trust…,” the study said.
In other words, there are a number of elements that are needed for trust, but ‘liking’ is the magical short-cut to that privileged status of being ‘trusted’.
As a member of a BNI chapter, you are already some way to sharing common interests and a common outlook, but that does not automatically mean that your fellow BNI members will ‘like you’ and eventually trust you.
Yet, it is not uncommon for BNI members to expect referrals on the basis of being a member of the chapter, particularly if the sum of their efforts is the occasional “hello” once a week, and a mandatory dance once or twice a year – this, coupled to your 60 second presentation, and bi-annual ten minute presentation, isn’t quite enough to build an emotional bond that is the basis of trust.
The mandatory activities of BNI provide the foundation for relationship, but the actual relationship must still be built and maintained, and only you can do that.
It does not help to go through the motions. Even worse is to sit in the same place week in and week out and interact mostly with the same people you feel comfortable with. In other words, even within your BNI weekly meeting, you must guard against complacency, and against slipping into a comfort zone.
The three steps themselves are relatively simple:
1. Get to know your BNI members.
Demonstrate a genuine interest in them as people (it is very rewarding and easily achieved because most of us are instinctively drawn to form bonds) – how many children do they have? What are their dreams, hopes and fears? Do you know these things about everybody?
By getting to know somebody better you find it easier to discover ways to help them get ahead.
2. When you show a genuine interest in people, and when you spend time with them and demonstrate the desire to help them (referrals, advice, a listening ear), ‘liking’ automatically develops more quickly than it might if you follow the ordinary course of events.
3. Trust, as BNI Chairman Dr Ivan Misner maintains, is the key to a profitable relationship – but we’re not just talking money and referrals. Those things follow, but you will find the interpersonal bonds you develop with your fellow BNI members to be far more enjoyable and rewarding.
