I recently offered readers of this blog the opportunity to win a free copy of Bonnie Moehle’s latest book. In case you missed it – I am going to leave this open for a couple more days. To go in to win – simply add a comment to this article as to why you would like to win the book. In the meantime – here is an example of what to expect from this book.
“Just because someone has a lot to teach us doesn’t mean we have to like them. People who have the most to teach us are often the ones who reflect back to us the limits to our own capacity to love, those who consciously or unconsciously challenge our fearful positions. They show us our walls.” – Marianne Williamson
We get so upset when the people in our lives push our buttons. But, what if we understood that those moments, when we want to blame others for the uncomfortable feelings we are experiencing, are really fabulous growth opportunities. Then every moment of every interaction would become a terrific possibility for personal and spiritual growth.
When we interact with others, nothing they do or say is about us. It’s about them doing whatever they know to fulfill their own needs. (Notice this is true by observing yourself. Everything you do is to make you feel more at peace.) Yet, when their actions trigger emotional pain within us we blame them for our pain. We get angry or hurt and we call names or try to manipulate that person so that they will change and then no longer cause us pain.
You can use relationship as an opportunity for growth, by changing how you see the pain that others trigger. Pain is a gift pointing you to some fearful place inside of you. Some of the fears that cause us to react are the fear of not being good enough, the fear of being taken advantage of, the fear of letting go of an expectation, the fear of not being respected, etc… When we move through all of our fears, we no longer react to someone else’s actions. We no longer take their actions personally.
When my husband says or does something that pushes my button, I take that pointer finger of blame and turn it toward myself. Instead of being angry at him I ask myself, “why did I just react, why am I in pain, what is he showing me about me?” This is the most important shift in understanding I’ve ever made. Now all of my relationships give me a wonderful mirror into me, which has helped me to recognize and drop the fearful walls that limit my capacity to love.
