We have lost the skill of asking for what we want, because – I believe – most of us fear rejection. As children we weren’t afraid to be candid in our requests, but very often the response was:
- “No, don’t be silly.
- “Do you think I’m made of money?”
- “Just be grateful for what you have.”
- “Don’t be greedy.”
- “Don’t be a nuisance.”
- “Shut up.”
If we are unable to ask for what we want, we may encounter obstacles throughout life. For example”
1. We might want something from our partner or spouse, but we fear an argument or unhappiness, so we don’t ask… and we lose a little of the relationship when we do that.
2. We might need to ask a client for payment when they are a few days overdue. But we fear we will lose their business if we do.
3. We are not clear on the customers we want. Perhaps we’re worried that people will think we’re unrealistic, or that those ideal customers are somehow beyond us…
4. We do not ask for the sale. We wait for somebody to buy. Because we don’t want to be perceived of as pushy or desperate…
I listen to referral requests weekly, and some common mistakes I hear are:
* Some people don’t even ask for a referral
* Some requests are very vague
* Some people are embarrassed to say: “I want…”
You are in business to make money. To sell your products or services. And that’s the beauty of coming into an environment like BNI.
This is unashamedly a business meeting –it’s not ‘networking drinks after five where everybody swaps business cards’.
You are here to be business-like about what you want. And we’re here to help you achieve it.
Here are three tips to help you be clear on what you want:
1. Define your expectations are – customers, goals, referrals, money – and articulate them as succinctly as possible.
2. You must ask specifically and concisely for what you want. Vague is too hard. It falls on deaf ears.
3. You must ask for it repeatedly. Propaganda experts know that if you want people to believe something, you must say it repeatedly and they will eventually begin to get the message. But any kid will tell you the same.
BNI creates the structure, eliminates the competition, trains you and gives you a team… but you must be clear on what you want from it, you will fall short.
Only when people know what you want, can they help you.
Here is another surprising thing about people, in the words of Zig Ziglar: “You will get all you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want.”
That’s BNI in a nutshell.
But first, know what you want and be clear on what you want.
