Of course, sometimes we jump to incorrect conclusions, which in itself can scupper any value the referral would have had.

But mostly, if it is a weak referral, my bet is that it doesn’t leave you with many ‘warm and fuzzies’ towards the person who gave you that so-called referral, does it?

Giving ‘flimsy’ referrals does not activate the power of ‘Givers Gain’.

If you want to activate the power of ‘Givers Gain’, you must make sure the referral has value.

A member of my BNI, Richard Wheatley of Think Red, is a branding specialist who has given me three good quality referrals recently.

Guess how ‘obligated’ I’ve begun to fell about returning the favour?

So much so that when I was talking to a prospect recently – one who seemed to have his branding all together – I put myself out there and asked him who did his branding.

He said: “Nobody, do you know somebody good?”

Richard has had an appointment already and I hope it pans out, but I’m not going to stop trying to find him more referrals…

Quality begets quality. If you want good quality referrals, you’ve got to give and keep on giving in order to receive.

That I believe is the best way to create a networking mindset within your referral network.

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When you recieve a referral you probably say ‘thank you’ at the outset, but do you go back and say ‘thank you’ after you have actioned the referral?

This is important because it accomplishes three business development objectives:

1. When you say ‘thank you’ you increase your ‘face’ time with the referrer in what is essentially a ‘feel good’ situation;
2. When you say ‘thank you’ and report back on a successful outcome, it boosts the confidence of the person who referred you. They feel buoyed by your success and want to continue the winning streak – which means they will probably give you some more referrals on the spot;
3. When you say ‘thank you’ and report back on an unsuccessful referral, it helps to educate the  person on what’s right for you.

There you have it. Three reasons why manners maketh the business.

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Let me spill the beans a bit on what I intend to talk about next week…

I don’t mind confessing that, in attending many BNI meetings, people who persist in talking, working on something or reading while others are delivering their 60 second presentation make me angry. It is rude and it is selfish and it does the person who is otherwise engaged no favours at all.

Believe me, the speaker notices your lack of interest or your complete rudeness. How do you think it makes them feel about you? Not very good, I’ll warrant. Don’t expect too many referrals from them in a hurry!

When somebody stands up to speak, do you give them your attention? Listening is an act of giving. Listening with enthusiasm is an even great gift. By this I mean smiling, nodding or taking notes. It makes the speaker more kindly disposed towards you because you’re demonstrating that you’re interested in them.

There’s a saying I heard once: “The more interested you are, the more interesting you will be.”

Attention and enthusiastic attention encourage the speaker (Wellington take note!) and energises them. It raises the bar on their presentation because they want to return the favour by giving good value.

It may be that the speaker is mindlessly boring or the subject has not interest for you. Perhaps ‘you’ve heard it all before’. Make the effort to engage anyway; think of questions you want to ask or feedback you can give.

Perhaps you’re like me and you have a short attention span. Well, an old philosopher once said “good habits form good virtues”.

An American theologian, Tyron Edwards, put it better.

“Thoughts lead on to purposes; purposes go forth in action; actions form habits; habits decide character; and character fixes our destiny.”

Go listen.

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Being a good referral giver is simply a state of mind. It’s a habit.

Here are four tips to becoming a more effective giver of referrals…

1. Identify someone you want to give a referral to – perhaps someone you want to help but have found it difficult to find referrals for.

Take three of their business cards. Put one on your dashboard, one on your bathroom mirror and one on the side of your computer screen. Leave them there until you give that person a referral.

I guarantee you will find them a referral. The relief of taking those business cards down will be enormous, and a reward in itself. This technique simply keeps that person top of mind every time you turn around.

2. Ask every single person you meet: “Are you a member of BNI?” As Mark Trafford, an Auckland member of BNI, says: “If they are a member, we will have instant rapport. If they’re not, we can have a conversation about it”.

3. Dance with your target – remember to dance regularly; make a BNI dance a reoccurring appointment in your diary (a dance is 45 minutes spent at the workplace of a network partner, finding out about them and their business).

4. Finally, always be closing (ABC)… For example, say: “It might be useful to have a chat to Tom, here’s his card – but I will get him to call you.” Do not ask if the person if they want to call, or if you can get Tom to call them. TELL them: “Tom will call you”.

For something to become a mindset, it must become a way of life. It’s not a huge leap – your business is a way of life and BNI is part of your business.

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So what is giving?  The most widespread misunderstanding is that which assumes that giving is giving up something, being deprived of, sacrificing.  However for the productive character, giving has an entirely different meaning.  Giving is the highest expression of potency.  In the very act of giving,  I experience my strength, my wealth, my power.  This experience of heightened vitality and potency fills me with joy.  I experience myself as overflowing, spending, alive, hence as joyous.  Giving is more joyous than receiving, not because it is a deprivation but because in the act of giving lies the expression of my aliveness. 
In the sphere of material things giving means being rich.  Not he who has much is rich, but he who gives much.  The hoarder who is anxiously worried about losing something is, psychologically speaking, the poor, impoverished man, regardless of how much he has.  Whoever is capable of giving himself is rich.  He experiences himself as one who can confer of himself to others.  The most important sphere of giving however, is not that of material things, but lies in the human realm.
So there you have it – in BNI we call this Givers Gain – however whatever way you want to dress it up – as you give, so shall you receive.Enjoy the Christmas break :-)
 

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