If you desire to lead, you must be in touch with yourself first and foremost.  You must be comfortable in your own skin, confident about who you are and at ease with your ability to think and ponder.  People often note the “quiet confidence” certain leaders project.  That confidence is simply a reflection of an inner strength which has been strengthened and fortified through the internal exercises of mind and heart.  They have developed the mental and emotional strength to not only lead themselves but to lead others.  It is also interesting to note that many leaders who have fallen, through personal failures of integrity or judgment, refer to their losing touch with themselves as the beginning of their downfall.

The old saying, “it is lonely at the top” doesn’t necessarily have to do with being isolated from others, but does mean that leaders need time to themselves to think, feel, process and play out scenarios and above all, connect with themselves.  Knowing who you really are as a leader is mission-critical.  True leaders have great depth, as their own journey of discovery enables them to better understand the people they lead and work with.  When you think deeply and emotionally you develop greater empathy and understanding along with a clearer view of how to best help and motivate others.

It is also often noted that leaders have great “gut instincts.”  Again, it isn’t that they were born with a better ability to process information, but rather, having thought deeply and emotionally for longer periods of time, they have developed a massive reservoir of insight, experience and information which they can rapidly draw upon to help them make quick, pressure-filled decisions.

An out of touch leader will not lead very long.  Some can mask it better and longer than others, but ultimately their being out of touch with themselves makes them unfit or unable to lift, lead or touch others.

If you truly desire to lead, get to know yourself first.  Remember that the most important meetings you will ever sit in are the meetings you have with yourself!  Take some time this weekend to get in touch and in tune with yourself so you can be better lead and more positively touch those around you.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh

James Cruickshank is an Executive Director in the UK and is also on the Strategic Alliance Team in the US. His role on the Director Training Team in the UK means he is able to help and guide BNI Directors from across the many regions in Europe.

 iLearningGlobal

Want to know more about how to get the most benefit from membership of BNI?  Visit http://www.iLearningglobal.biz/james and hear from the Founder of BNI himself Dr Ivan Misner.  On this site Dr Misner shares his experience gained over a period of  20 years on how to get the best from Networking and increase your flow of new business.

“To earn more you must learn more -  and learn from the experts – You will never live long enough to learn it all by yourself – Brian Tracy (Faculty member at iLearningGlobal)

When Vic King, Managing Director of Kingfisher Blinds Ltd and a  BNI member of the Ashford Eureka chapter in England, decided to plan his 35^th wedding anniversary, he did not realise that he was about to have an even bigger Eureka moment.

The problem was that he and his wife Marion had visited the restaurant of fellow chapter member, John, before, but felt that the atmosphere and condition of the restaurant was not wholly conducive to the romantic evening they had in mind.

Enter Vic’s wife Marion, with the now classic statement “You belong to BNI and keep mentoning Givers Gain – why don’t you do something about it”.

So at his next BNI meeting Vic approached a number of members who he thought might be able to help, and then approached John, the unsuspecting owner of the Worlds Wonder pub and restaurant  John  not only agreed that his restaurant lacked the X-factor, but also shared the fact that in these uncertain economical times, he simply did not have the funds to smarten up the restaurant.

When Vic outlined his plan, John nearly broke down with emotion.

Six weeks ago the members of the BNI Eureka chapter got to work and very quickly

1)      Re-built the bar

2)      Re-varnished the bar counter

3)      Re-painted both the restaurant and public bar

4)      Re-stained the bar floor

5)      Carpeted the restaurant

6)      Put up new poles and curtains

…….and all this at no charge.  Now that is what I call Giving!!!!

Such was the effect of this transition that it wasn’t long before Clive Member of BNI Dickens in Rochester Kent heard about it and arranged for the BBC to film the new look   This was also picked up by a local television station and the Kentish press, giving the Worlds Wonder restaurant, and John & Kathy a much needed boost in publicity.

And Vic…….. he is now looking at opening up another side of his business  – PUB REFURBISHMENT

Consequently, “touch points” are very important in the networking process. Touch points relate to the occasions in which you “touch” one of your clients, potential clients and/or referral partners. Touch points are communication mechanisms. Things like: a phone call, email, newsletter, correspondence, personal meeting, greeting card, etc… represent many of the different ways you “touch” your networking partner.

I’m often asked what the most effective system for follow up or staying in touch with someone is. My answer generally surprises people. The answer is – the one you actually use! The key is that you need some kind of system that works for you and that you’ll do consistently. If you have a great system, but don’t use it, you might as well have no system at all. And in networking, not following up is not an option. It is like an air sandwich, it may look good but it’s not very fulfilling!!

There are a variety of techniques or systems that someone might employ. In this article, I will be addressing several ways to conduct effective follow up. Your homework is to determine which of these methods (or some other) that works for you and then implement that method.

 Using the Internet–emails, Instant Messenger, sending articles via email attachments, eZine or quarterly online newsletters: Harnessing the communication power of the internet can be a very effective technique by which to conduct your follow up; however it can sometimes seem impersonal. It is great to use the internet for quick communication, because of its immediate nature. I do not recommend that you use email for more in depth communication or complex problems.

 Keep in mind that if you over use internet contact, you will become viewed as just another spammer, so make sure that your emails are personal, individual, and give your connection an opportunity to communicate with you in return.

Newsletters/eZines can be very useful. Here is an example of one I’ve done for years www.bni.com/successnet. Subscriptions are open to anyone, are free and currently has a subscription of over 130,000. The benefit of an eZine is the potential to include your clients and contacts in the content of the newsletter. In this way, you are consciously farming this relationship by giving them visibility in your scope of business.

A word to the wise about using Intant Messenger or other types of instant “chat” features: be aware that many of your contacts are quite busy when they are online and aren’t going to always welcome a note every time you see that they are online. Be somewhat discriminating in when you contact them in this manner. Causing them to have to sign in as “invisible” does not endear you to them when you abuse this form of touch point!

 Conferences and special events, such as expert showcases, trade shows, etc…: When you have taken the time to really get to know your clients and referral partners, as well as during the time you are building a relationship with potential clients, you should be taking note of what special interests you have in common. As you see events advertised that would be of mutual interest, inviting these individuals to attend as your guest provides another opportunity to continue growing your relationships. If you are participating in a trade show, for example, invite these individuals to attend as your guest.

While you are at these events, build in some time to pull aside and have one-to-one time with your guests to find out specifically how you can help them achieve goals they have set for sales, production and referrals. As you focus on helping them achieve their goals, they will automatically reciprocate in kind. I call this the Law of Reciprocity.  Events like this provide a natural opportunity to go deeper with your business relationships.

Written correspondence—handwritten notes, postcards, invitations: In this day of all things online, the written note has often gone by the wayside; however, there are some people who still enjoy the personal touch of sending a handwritten note with a small enclosure of some type such as a gift certificate, an article clipping or something else to pass on.  Sitting down to take the time and expend the energy to write a note conveys a clear message to the recipient: “I value you and realize that you are worth my valuable time spent to reach out in this way to you.” It is a message that isn’t missed by the recipient of your note. I have a business friend who, every single time I go into her shop, sends me a brief note telling me how nice it was to see me again and how glad she is to be able to provide me with her product. I am not kidding you…I get that note every single time I stop in.

If a handwritten note is not your forte, take a look at services like SendOutCards.com. This is a great service that allows you to send a personalized greeting card right from your computer. I love this idea for staying in touch with your networking partners.

 One-to-one meetings: The author of Never Eat Alone, Keith Ferrazzi, advocates using every meal as a touch point. The concept of breaking bread together as a relationship builder is not a new one. In ancient times, meals were very much part of community and building relationships. Look at it this way, you HAVE to have lunch. Using that time to have a pleasant connection with a client, potential client or referral source helps you leverage time you have to spend on that activity by providing an opportunity to deepen a relationship or begin establishing a friendship. Don’t forget the vital truth that building a business through referrals relies on establishing deep and lasting relationships. Meeting before work for breakfast, or coffee and a bagel is another opportunity to have another touch point.

Seasonal or special occasion gifts: Often you will send a gift basket to your largest clients as a way to thank them for their business over the past year. Consider sending something out as a touch point for those with whom you have been networking over the past year or to those you desire to begin referring you more. It can be a seemingly small gesture, but can be an effective communication tool, as well. Remembering special days in these folks’ lives and acknowledging them is another opportunity to come into their mind and frame of reference.

The power of the proximity effect: Studies have shown that relationships are not based on primarily similar interest, but on proximity. A study of college students revealed that most students end up being friends with those with whom they share a dorm, have classes or work. Business people tend to look for outside connections, thinking that the people whom they are around the most aren’t the ones who are going to be referring them the most. You might feel that your contact sphere businesses are the ones you need to be pursuing in this referral relationship, but if you overlooked those people who are constantly surrounding you, you are going to lose out on hundreds of potential touch points with people who very well could turn into some of your best referral sources.

The key to capitalizing on the opportunities to cultivate deeper relationships with people who can continually provide you with business referrals is the proximity effect. When all is said and done, studies bear up the hypothesis that relationships form and are maintained much more effectively when there is regular contact. There are people with whom you are naturally having daily and weekly contact. Take a closer look at these people, regardless of whether they appear on the outside to be a valid source of referrals and begin building friendships with them that go beyond the normal “hey, how are you” and then moving on. You will be surprised how effectively this can increase your “refer-abliltiy” with them!

By Dr. Ivan Misner (Founder & CEO of BNI) and James Cruickshank (Executive Director BNI East Anglia)

Dr. Ivan Misner has written nine books, including his recently released New York Times best seller; Truth or Delusion? Busting Networking’s Biggest Myths. Called the father of modern networking, Dr. Misner is the Founder of BNI (www.bni.com) and the Senior Partner for the Referral Institute (www.referralinstitute.com) and is considered one of the world’s leading experts in this field.

James Cruickshank is an Executive Director for BNI in the UK, and is also on the Director Training Team in London. He is a contributing author to Masters of Sales