More importantly, are you looking forward to Christmas?

With only a few days to go till Christmas, you will no doubt be busy with last minute shopping, clearing your work desk or preparing for visitors.

While Christmas is a time for giving and a time for sharing, it can also be one of the most stressful times of the year. There is the stress of buying the right presents, the financial stress, the stress of preparing Christmas lunch and the stress of having all the family and guests visiting. There can be so much to do and so much to prepare.

Some will be spending Christmas by themselves or without a loved one. Others will have a baby in the home or young children and they will all enjoy the anticipation, the big smiles and 5:00am wake-up as eager little ones arise to see if Santa has been. One of the greatest joys is seeing young children opening their presents.

Regardless of your situation, enjoy the time. As life is about choices, you have the choice as to how you process Christmas and what you want to get out of it. You can make it a depressing time by focusing on the negatives or you can make it a happy joyous occasion by focusing on the positives.

As an extra, to help make the World a better place, do something special for someone this Christmas. Make the time to add some pleasure to someone’s life. It may be giving a present to a needy person, giving a hamper to a family in need or it may be simply making a phone call to someone you haven’t spoken to in ages.

You will be surprised at how much joy you can receive from the power of helping and giving. For example, a friend is inviting four people who each live alone to her home for Christmas lunch so they will be able to celebrate with others rather than spend the day by themselves.

What a great gesture – and think of the joy this will give to all.

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  There’s a saying: “Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and feed him for life.”   Great wisdom. It’s my mission with helping people – teach them how to help themselves.  While the saying is great, the big problem is, most people don’t want to learn how to fish.  Sure, while they want to be fed for life, the cold hard reality is they are not interested in learning how to do that.  They simply want the fish – all wrapped up, cooked and ready to eat.

• The problem appears too hard to fix – and it may not be able to be fixed. Think of the time and money I would waste if I gave it a go and it didn’t work.
• I don’t know where to start.
• I don’t have time. I don’t have the time to seek answers, implement them and then practice them.
• I don’t know how to do it. What if I mess up and get it wrong?

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You argue?

You feel depressed? You feel sad or upset?

Things are not working out or you fail to get your own way?

You stew (dwell) on things? You worry? You feel frustrated or angry?

You focus on what you don’t have; what you are missing?

You focus on how poor you are – in time and money?

Producing any of these states indicates you are focusing on the problem. For example, a depressed person is simply depressed because they continue to focus on the problem and what is going wrong. The more they focus on it, the worse they feel. If you worry about things, you are focusing on what can go wrong.  Abraham sums it up beautifully: “Worrying is using your imagination to create something you don’t want.” If you are time or money poor, you are focusing on what you don’t have instead of what you do have and how you can create more of what you have.

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Or, you may be saying “There aren’t enough hours in a day” or “I don’t have time”.

“I don’t have time to attend the school concert”. “I don’t have time to meet you after work”. “I ran out of time to call you back”. “There wasn’t enough time to finish the project”.

Nearly every excuse as to why something is not done or not done on time revolves around a lack of time.

Today, for instance, a business client said he would call into the office at 9:30am to pay his account. When we rang him at lunch time, he said “I didn’t have time” (Yes! I know, there is probably more to this than time!). A lady who said she would call in to pick up a report at 2:30pm, hasn’t come for the third time. The other two excuses were “I ran out of time”.

Time is a commodity that, for many – especially if they are in business – appears to be hard to find.

Are you time deficit?

Are you always running late?

Are missing appointments?

Are you failing to ring people back?

Are you using lack of time as an excuse?

If you are, you are not alone. It appears more and more people are cramming so much into their day that they are running out of time.

In fact, research backs this up. In his book, “Buy*ology”, Martin Lindstrom says:

“A 2007 analysis of pedestrians in 34 cities around the world showed that the average pedestrian clips along at almost 3.5mph (5.6kph) – roughly 10% faster than they did a decade ago.”

Also, In Denmark, research shows men and women talk 20 times faster than they did 10 years ago.

A business client told me that 72% of people were late to see him for their first appointment with 7% being more than 20 minutes late.

With the advent of the computer (which was meant to save us time), we have found more things to do. I’m writing more books, more e-books, more articles and preparing more courses than ever before.

Then, there are my emails. I receive around 38 a day that need my attention. I subscribe to nine people who send me stuff nearly every day. While the content is great, it takes me an hour and a half to go through it all.

I recently went close to a blow-up as I got so far behind in the things I had to do. It was time for a change – and a major one.

Here is my solution:

(i) With my emails, I now have Julie go through them and delete what’s not crucial for me to see. If it is crucial, she passes it on.

(ii) I have remained subscribed to those people who I feel give me great value.

(iii) I have set times to read my emails.

If you are working on a project and you hear the “click” as an email enters your In Box, you most likely will open it to see who it is and what they have to say (we hate not knowing!). You will then want to send it on to all your friends.

The problem is, research shows it takes around 20 minutes from the time you finish reading the email for you to return to your productive state.

Think of how much time you lose each time you go to your “In Box”!

(iv) I now set aside 2 hours of uninterrupted time to work on a project. I can then give the project my total attention. My emails are turned off for that time.

The problem with multi-tasking (trying to do lots of things at the same time) is you are wasting much time, which can lead to you being very unproductive. Most of what you start fails to get finished, or, if it does, it is not up to standard because your brain is concentrating on too many things. In a video I recently viewed, it stated that multi-tasking lowers your IQ!

(v) I use my diary wisely. I allow ½ hour between appointments or coaching sessions so I’m not rushing.

Everything I have planned gets put into the diary.

I make time for “me” to relax, read and to exercise. If it is important to me and my family, I lock it in the diary.

(vi) I am now aware of how time can control me. I walk slower; I am 10 minutes early for appointments; I ensure I follow up on missed calls and I take the time to “smell the roses”.

Does “time” control you?

A lack of time to do required work places a person under an enormous pressure. Pressure leads to stress. Stress left un-dealt with often leads to ill-health.

Put time into perspective. If you are a person who is always late or is time deficit, work on a solution or seek some help.

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I often hear people speaking of how much money they have lost in shares, how tough things are in business and how tough they are going to get.

Are you doing it tough with money invested or with your business?

Are you worrying about your future?

Here’s my take on it (for what it is worth!) …
1. You Have a Choice

You may hear yourself say “I don’t need another problem”.

Everyone has problems.

Most people try and ignore them. Others blame the US, government, the economic climate or customers for where they are at.

The result of ignoring and blame: things only get worse.

Or, you can view problems in a productive way.

2. Problem v’s Solution

Every problem has a solution. If you continue to focus on the problem, will it get better or worse?

Worse. What you focus on expands. The more you focus on and talk about how tough things are, the worse they become.

Worrying about it is not going to produce a new result. It will only make you feel emotionally worse – even depressed.

Shift your focus to the solution.

What can you do to “ride out the storm”?
What strategies can you put into place?
What are the thoughts you need to be thinking?

3. A Chance To Grow

Problems give you a chance to grow. It is the time to become more professional and more creative. It is the time to take your business to a whole new level.

When things are tough, the non-professional businesses tend to go out of business while the professional ones take it to the next level by ensuring their customer service is the best it can be and team members are happy and know they have a job.

We were looking to buy a $1050 item from a business who went public in his complaint of how tough things are. While he had three staff talking at the counter, not one acknowledged us in the 15 minutes we were there. Result: we went elsewhere where we were eagerly served. When I rang him to give him some feedback, he didn’t want to know about it!

When a customer deals with you, they can tell whether you are happy and going well or fearful and worried. Your body language and tone of voice give it away. This will play a large part in whether they deal with you.

One of the things we have done is hire a Business Coach. He has made us “look outside the square” to identify new markets, improve what we currently do and put us in contact with others who can help.

What can you do to become more professional and more creative?

4. What You Think Is What You Get

In other words, what you think and feel – you draw to yourself.

If you focus on “loss”, you draw more loss to you. If you focus on how financially tight things are, you attract more financial hardship.

Let me ask you a question: Are you wealthy?

If you do not see yourself as wealthy, you must see yourself as poor. Seeing yourself as “poor” will cause you to think and act as a poor person – thus attracting more of the same!

If you see yourself in this way, it may be time to do a stock-take of your life. What do you own? What are you worth? How much money do you have in the bank and invested? Make a list.

Create a base for what you do have and then find ways to build on this. How can you earn more money? Get creative.

In summary, keep your thinking positive with what you do have and what you can do with what you have. Create a vision of where you would “ideally” like to be in 3 months, 6 months and 12 months. Think BIG. See yourself already in possession of your vision. Feel how good it feels to be achieving with a wealthy mindset.

What are you prepared to do to take it to the next level?

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Do you fight to the end?
Never give in?
Give in and stew on it?
Say things you will later regret?
Resent them for not listening?
Resolve the conflict?
Everyone has his or her own way of dealing with it.

In most cases, people have a need to be right so continue with the argument until they “beat the other person into submission”.

When two fail to resolve their differences, they generally hold resentment for the other. Resentment often leads to anger because their needs are not being met.

Once people get “steamed up”, they will often say hurtful things in order to “win” the argument. Things they will later regret.

What is amazing is how some people demonstrate how they love someone.

Yelling, being hurtful, degrading and being physically violent are funny ways of showing love!

The people they hurt the most are those that are closest to them. They somehow have this belief the loved one will tolerate what they say and do.

What it does in reality is place a large strain on that relationship.

When you hold some form of resentment, you are focusing on what you don’t like and how your needs are not being met. Because this is getting all your attention, you then begin to attract similar situations.

The Solution

Two ways of overcoming arguments and disagreements:

1. Let go of the need to be right and look for a solution that is best for your relationship or the family.

Hanging on to the need to be right means you are selfish as you are only thinking of yourself. When you enter a relationship, you now have your partner to consider. Add children, ad you now have to consider them as well.

2. When you have a disagreement with someone, especially if it is someone you love, ask yourself:

“What do I most want right now in this situation?”

Do you want to be at war with this person or do you want to be a friend or be in love with them?

The answer to this will determine what happens thereafter!

If you would like to be at war, go for it. Just be aware of the consequences.

If you want to be a friend or in love them, say something like: “Let’s find a solution that suits us both. After all, you are my best friend and I want us to be happy together”.

What you say and do impacts on others. Be careful with what you say, think and do.

When you argue or disagree, someone has to break the deadlock. Let it be you.

Not only will you benefit from the result, others will also.

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After the conversation finished, I saw a correlation between athletes and business.

I have concluded there are four types of athletes:
Casual Athlete – very part-time. Trains once or twice a week and plays on weekends. Doesn’t care how they perform so long as they have fun.

Semi-Serious Athlete – still part time but takes it serious. Trains twice a week and is out to win on weekends. Attends training on time and puts in effort.

Serious Athlete – trains 3 to 4 times a week. Aspires to be better and reach the big time. Goes that extra mile and does weight training and learns some things about nutrition.

Elite Athlete – full time athlete. Trains up to 7 hours a day, 5 days a week. Learns about nutrition, motivation and ways to get the best out of themselves. Does a lot of planning for training and on the day they perform. Looks to learn as much information as they can to get the edge on their competitors.

These four categories can be related to business and to BNI.

Most business people fall into the Serious group. The ones in the Casual and Semi-Serious tend to go out of business within 5 years – no plans, no skills and little enthusiasm.

The serious business person spends much time at work “doing” the work. They do a lot of talking for what they should be doing – should get healthy, fit and have some time off. They are success driven and continue with what they have always done. They view getting outside help as “not their thing” or say they can’t afford it. These people battle along and seldom make it into the big time (the “Elite”).

Very few make the Elite business person. The elite person does the planning for their business and for themselves. They eat healthy meals and exercise. They work on becoming the best person they can possibly be and look to teach their team how to do the same. They are happy to hire coaches to help them with their business and their personal life.

Which category are you in relation to being a business person?

Which category are you relating to BNI?

Are you Casual (hoping this is going to work and attend looking to receive referrals), Serious (attending every week, thinks about who you can give a referral to the night before) or Elite (works on giving referrals to all Chapter members, attends all the functions, the first to put your hand up to do things within your chapter and looking for bigger and better ways of working BNI)?

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I recently had an experience where I had to rein myself in. While I don’t often share my personal life, I have decided to share this with you because it contains an important message.

In September of 2006 I released a book titled “Think Yourself Slim”. While I had done my homework and checked on the Internet and with a bookshop’s database that there was no other book of this title, I still came undone.

I received a solicitor’s letter in January 2007 telling me to take my books off the market within 7 days. His client had a tape set of a similar name and claimed I was trading off his good name.

I then discovered this author had just released a book of a similar title and had applied for a Trademark of his book title. I was surprised the Trademark people had approved this – especially when their guidelines say you are only allowed to Trademark a book title if it is like a “Harry Potter” (a name worth protecting) with other merchandise attached to the name. This other author is not a “Harry Potter”.

The Trademark guidelines also states you are not allowed to Trademark common words. I would have thought “Think”, “Yourself” and “Slim” were common words!

I knew I had a case and was in the right. My solicitor said I was in the right (as they do!). I was first on the market, I did my homework, your are not allowed to Trademark a book title or use common words. Each move he made, we counteracted. We thought it would die a natural death.

Wrong. He kept fighting.

While I spent a lot of money fighting this, I reached a point where I had to make a decision on whether I kept going. It became a ‘this author’ versus ‘me’ battle and I could see he wasn’t about to give in.

So, why am I telling you this?

Good question!

Have you ever been in a ‘battle’ with someone? It may be a relative or a friend. It may be another business or a supplier.

You are at loggerheads with this person/business because you think you are right and they are wrong. A client may have purchased something from you and they want a refund. A family member may have taken something they are not entitled to or done something you don’t agree with.

The battle can become nasty. It is ‘tick-for-tack’. You may even say “I’m not going to give in. I don’t care what it takes, they’re not going to win. I know I’m right”.

In my personal coaching business, I have seen relationships, friendships and businesses destroyed over the need to win the battle. I have seen people lose a lot of money (and, on many occasions, their health) because they refused to concede. One businessman lost $142,000 in payouts and court costs because he believed his partners were ripping him off when he sold the business. He was determined to make them “pay” when they sued him.

Oops! Expensive lesson.

People’s ego becomes so BIG, it is ‘win at all costs’ – and there generally is a cost. A well-known phrase that best describes this is “You win the war but lost the battle”. So, even if you win, you still lose. It’s still going to cost you in some way.

Many a couple going through divorce have lost everything because of their need to win at all costs. The only people who have won are the solicitors and the real estate people.

In my personal example, while my ego was saying “Bury him”, there was a wiser side saying “Be real and think about this”. I placed a ceiling on the amount of money I was prepared to spend. I knew, whatever I spent, I would not get back – regardless of whether I won or lost. It was gone forever to my solicitors. I knew the same held true for this other author.

When the time arrived and I had to cough up thousands of more dollars, I knew I could release a new book for this new sum and have some money left over. I wasn’t attached to the old title, and, the more I tested other titles, the more convinced I was that it was time to concede.

I wished the other author well and I am now on a new journey.

Do you know when to pull out of the need to win, the need to be right?

Do you know when it is time to say “Enough is enough”?

It takes a far bigger person to concede knowing they will eventually ‘win’. The cost of the lost money and your health is not worth the satisfaction of saying “I won”.

Your ego can get you into a lot of trouble.

Develop the ability to know when to let go and do what’s best for you in the long term.

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John had built a multi million dollar empire, had a young family, was fit and ate healthy food. While he looked after himself physically, he still died at a young age.

While you may eat all the healthy foods and exercise, it is also important to address another important factor – Stress.

There are three personality types:
Type A
Type B
Type C

Take the test to see which one you are:

Traits of Type A:
• Often frustrated
• Constantly interrupts others
• Walks and/or talks very quickly
• Impatient, always in a hurry
• Time urgent – aware of lack of time
• Rude / intolerant of others
• Easily upset over small things
• Workaholics
• Always on the go
• Competitive
• Short tempered
• Very high achievers
• Easily upset – especially by others
• Hates making mistakes / being wrong

People who fall into this category have tight muscles, grind their teeth and are unable to relax.

Traits of Type B:
• Relaxed
• Patient
• Not much worries them
• Creative
• Imaginative
• Often self analyzes

Traits of Type C:
• Takes things to heart
• Stews or dwells on things
• Internalises everything

The consequences of having a Type A Personality are:
• Hypertension
• Heart disease – a certainty by age 65
• Poor sleepers
• Can over consume alcohol / drugs / cigarettes
• Job stress – generally take on demanding jobs
• Often alienate others
• Focus very little on relationships

Type C is the worst as they are heading at a rapid rate to an early grave as they are a bigger problem than Type A because they internalise things.

Type B is laid back with very little worrying them and tend to live for a long time.

A problem for Type A is that Type B drive them ‘nuts’ – especially in the workplace – with a ‘laid back nothing bothers them’ attitude. This further adds to Type A’s stress levels!

Which one are you – Type A, B or C?

You may be a combination. Some say the best is to be predominantly B with a touch of A.

If you are predominantly A or C, I suggest a change may be worthwhile.

Decide the best traits to have and be committed to constantly improving the person you are.

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What amazed us was how much money many of the stallholders were losing.

Let me give you an example.

We are interested in turning a small room into a storage area so are looking at the best way of utilising the space. This means lots of cupboards on two long walls.

We approached a company who had a large site. They had a big kitchen plus a plasma television showing all the work they could do – one photo was of a storage room. Julie explained to the sales lady (who looked like she was a part-owner) what we were after. The lady gave us a company booklet and said “Have a look through this and give us a call”.

We haven’t called them.

This sales lady should read Brett Burgess’s blog on “Are You Asking the Right Questions?” or, in her case, any questions?!!

I observed how this stand operated for about 15 minutes. Every customer was treated the same as us.

I began to do the sums. I imagine it would have cost them at least $15,000 to be there for the three days (site cost, wages, building the site, etc). Our purchase would have been worth around $4,000. We were at the site for three minutes and one other person was also given a book in that time and told to give them a call.

At the end of the expo, they would have zero orders and zero measure and quotes. They also lost our business plus, if two people an hour did not buy, on $4,000 missed/client it equates to $160,000 missed for the expo. Now, I would suggest this figure to be low as the main items they were promoting were kitchens and cabinets.

This company should invest in a customer service course. If they had have asked the right questions, shown some interest in the client and asked to come and have a look and give some suggestions, there is a chance they could have made over $160,000 for the expo.

In the business world of today, there is more competition than ever before. More businesses are competing for the client’s dollar. As an example, there were three kitchen businesses at this expo. To be successful, it is critical to have a point of difference, to be the best you can.

How much money is your business losing?

If you are not sure, consult with someone who can give you some feedback.

Many businesses lose money because they are not investing in the right areas. They invest in “how to do things” and not in their greatest asset – their team.

Are you investing in yourself to ensure you are the best you can be?

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