Waking Up Is Hard to Do: Why Responsibility and Leadership go Hand-in-Hand
The emotional waking up process can be very slow for us as individuals and leaders if we have not considered the fact that a critical part of us may still be asleep! By “waking up” I mean that the dimmer switch of consciousness or awareness has started to turn, bringing with it a heightened sense of self-awareness; the more self- aware we are, at a psychological and emotional level, the more awake we are; and the more awake we are, the more powerful, perceptive and resilient our presence in the external world.
My emotional waking up process was very slow, hindered by the fact that I believed that I was, of course, already awake. I could see that others had a long way to go, but me? No way!
It was the concept of responsibility that would begin my awakening. I was living in New York at the time and had just begun my coach training with Debbie Ford. When the concept of “responsibility” was introduced, I can remember thinking “Oh, easy. I’ve always been a very responsible person. I know all about this.” This was to be one of my many falls. Not so much an “aha” moment as a sudden, hard tumble.
Responsibility, in this context, meant understanding that my life and its unfolding was absolutely 100% up to me. No one was coming to rescue me. No one was coming to propel me to the life of my dreams; no one. The events of my life and the unfolding of the following decades were absolutely my responsibility; and not just in one aspect of my life but in them all: my relationships, my career, my finances, my health and wellbeing.
There was more. If I was to truly embrace responsibility it would mean giving up my excuses, my rationalisations and my justifications. It would mean no more blaming and no more holding on to old resentments and grievances. Perhaps the only good news I could glean at his point was that I could forget the idea of taking responsibility for the lives of others. I understood very quickly that the only job we are ever, in truth, given in this lifetime is to take responsibility for our own lives.
“Well if that’s my only job” I can remember thinking “how well have I done at that?” The foundations I had been standing on for 40 something years had begun to crack and at that moment I discovered a very uncomfortable truth. I had been waiting. I had quietly been waiting for my lucky break; that “special” person to discover my talents and skills and deliver me into my fantasy life (whatever that was); and I had endless excuses for why it hadn’t happened yet.
I can remember feeling really annoyed. “I don’t want to take responsibility for every aspect of my life. It’s too much. It’s too hard.” Before long I was bargaining. “Well, maybe if I take full responsibility for my health, lady luck will take care of my career and finances.” Soon after that came a feeling of sadness. “I’ve missed the boat. I’ve waited too long. I’ve been secretly waiting for that lucky break that will never come.”
Finally, when I stopped fighting and just accepted the idea, came peace. I realised I was actually okay with the fact that no one was coming. In fact, I was ready to let go of my excuses and take hold of the reins of my life. I knew I could do it. For the first time in many years, I had awoken and made a conscious choice. My choice was responsibility and it felt really, really good.
Last week I gave you a list of actions you can take to strengthen your relationships with your referral sources. I promised that in the next few weeks I would give you some more information on each action. So, since we all love it when things are easy, I’ll start by giving you further details on the six simplest actions you can take.